October UPDATE

Days go on. We were going to down Belle, 16, feline but a good doctor fell in love with her and took her in. I wish I could've met her. I miss her dearly. Anyway, I'm worried about my grandmother but there's nothing I can do about it. In summary being 18 is like being 17 only you are considered an adult by the country. It sucks.

Why I like Fiction or Why I think Truth doesn't Exist

Give me the time for advice, give me the trust to talk. I sat on a bench, waiting for journalism to start when I wrote a reflection that makes some sense, but since it's my logic it makes no sense so bear with me. If you disagree with me, don't make it public. If you do, please comment.

I think. I think and mold my thoughts. Unsure bullshit is exactly what I think. Every word has a sting but humor can turn the sting into puns and metaphors will hide the sting, while talking in the third person gets rid of it almost entirely. I don't use humor in my writing for that is not what I aim for. I aim for a story to be told, so if anything is funny: it is accidental, purely.

I have problems. Why would anyone want to talk to me? Why would anyone stop me in the street to talk to me? Who cares about my problems? No one. Oh sure, one can pretend to care but you don't and I would never suspect anyone to. I am one out what 3-4 billion on a small rock, floating around a small star, in a small galaxy which is one out of trillions. Nothing we do is really pointless, which is why we must make our passions and stories and lives have a point. Our mere disagreements, our wars, our conflicts, our joy, our honor, our treaties are completely worthless, but yet we do it anyway. Our beliefs are not as important as we think. I question a great being randomly choosing one rock with enough people for two planets, yes I think we are over populating and it's never going to end...ever.

Many of us dream that shall be some alien planet like ours to supply us, so we can keep Earth's life on that planet. However, I do not think that we deserve another planet considering we treating ours like trash and expect it to magically rejuvenate, after taking and killing the young. Right...whatever. We act like we don't care about the past or the future. Ah, the past. The past is riddled with humans constantly forgetting the past as generations. Individuals, well I'm going to quote a character on Covert Affairs, the character,'Auggie' said, "Every step forward begins with a firmly planted foot in the past." But we forget history without a single hestination and that is why we do it all over again, thank you politics.

Do you know the problem with the spoken word? It's not recorded. Sure, we can record it or even write down every single thing we said but we won't and cannot. So the words that are never said shall go on in our heads until we forget, that is. Even if one records a speech, can one guarantee that speech wasn't edited beforehand? And if we record a speech, what is that purpose? The purpose is to take what we want others to hear and aim it at our audience to sway and woo them to our side, to our own biased opinion.

Every piece of news is edited and is biased, no matter how objective the journalist tries to be. No fact or opinion is objective because it is made by humans. Facts like the definition of "planet" constantly change. Therefore both opinion and fact is not reliable, nothing said can be relied on. Objectiveness and perfection are merely goals, goals that are impossible to reach. (Objective, subjective, perfection, normal, plausible, impossible, merely, extremely are all words for opinions.) If there are no facts, that would mean our endless search for truth cannot be reached. If truth does not exist in this galaxy or universe, I'll stick to fiction and fantasy because unlike nonfiction, they do not proclaim to be opinions or facts, they are only dreams. I'll continue to use puns, metaphors, and third person in my speech. If truth doesn't exist, then what does and what becomes of trust? I am sorry but I have no answers to those questions and I'll bet there are few who do. I ask only that you ponder this and I thank you for not tuning out, or leaving or skipping to the next blog.

Songs in Anger.

All the songs I play when I'm Angry, Pissy, P. O., Enraged, Outrage, etc.

Maybe

Written by Ingrid Michaelson

I don't want to be the one to say goodbye
But I will, I will, I will
I don't want to sit on the pavement while you fly
But I will, I will, oh yes I will

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
The only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back to me

I don't want to be the first to let it go
But I know, I know, I know
If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know I've got to let them go

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
The only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

I still feel you on the right side of the bed
And I still feel you in the blankets pulled over my head
But I'm gonna wash away, oh I'm gonna wash away everything til you come home to me

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
In the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
The only way to really know is to really let it go

Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back to me
You're gonna come back to me
You're gonna come back to me

SMILE by Lily Allen

When you first left me
I was wanting more
But you were ***king that girl next door
What'cha do that for?
What'cha do that for?

When you first left me
I didnt know what to say
I've never been on my own that way
Just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you are feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile

At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me
You say that you want me back
(Want me back)
And I tell you it don't mean jack
(It don't mean jack)
No it don't mean jack
(No it don't mean jack)

I couldn't stop laughing
No I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health
I was quite unwell

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found the light in the tunnel at the end

Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
It makes me smile
Yeah it makes me smile

At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile
La la la

At first when I see you cry
(When I see you cry)
It makes me smile
(It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile
(Yeah it makes me smile)

At worst I feel bad for a while
(I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile
(But then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile
(I go ahead and smile)
La la la

At first when I see you cry
(When I see you cry)
It makes me smile
(It makes me smile)
Yeah it makes me smile
(It makes me smile)

At worst I feel bad for a while
(I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile
(Then I just smile)
I go ahead and smile
(I go ahead and smile)

Friend of Mine by Lily Allen

I don't want us to have a fight
But in the background I can hear you chatting
I hear it every night

And you think you're being really cool
And you've been doing it since we were both at school
Now who looks like a fool?

You're no friend of mine girl
And I've known it for a while girl
You're just a waste of time girl
Why don't you have another line girl?

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

What happened to the good old days?
I was kind of hoping this was all a stupid phase
Who are you anyway?

I know you've heard this all before
I know some people who are calling you a whore
Don't know you anymore

You're no friend of mine girl
And I've known it for a while girl
You're just a waste of time girl
Why don't you have another line girl?

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

Tell me what did you expect?
Have you got no self-respect?
Reputation to protect?
Soon you'll be a nervous wreck

You and Your Hand by Pink

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Check it out
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
It's a **** fight
I can tell
I just know
That it's going down
Tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when dick head put his hands on me
But you see

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh

Midnight
I'm drunk
I don't give a ***k
Wanna dance
By myself
Guess you're outta luck
Don't touch
Back up
I'm not the one
Buh bye
Listen up it's just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
Aiight

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Break break
Break it down

In the corner with your boys you bet 'em five bucks
You'd get the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are
High fivin, talking ****, but you're going home alone arentcha?

Cause I'm not here for your entertainment
No
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight
It's just you and your hand

I'm not here for your entertainment
No no no
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
Just take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight
Yeah oh

Cuz I Can by PINK

Hahaha
We're gonna rock and roll
Ra Ra
Alright I drink more than you
I party harder than you do
And my car's faster than yours too

P I N K
P I M P
I'm back again
I know you all missed me
I'm so so sick
Can't handle it
Yeah I talk ****
Just deal with it

My rims are 23 inch
And they're black on black
No they're not his
Diamonds all over my teefs
You can try and try you can't beat me

So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets
And hope I'll always win
Even if I don't I'm ***ked because
I live a life of sin
But it's alright
I don't give a damn
I don't play your rules I make my own
Tonight
I'll do what I want
Cuz I can

You know I'm rare
You stop and stare
You think I care
I don't
You talk real loud
But you ain't saying nothing cool
I could fit your whole house in my swimming pool

My life's a fantasy
That you're not smart enough to even dream
My ice is making me freeze
You can try and try you can't beat me

So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets
And hope I'll always win
Even if I don't I'm ***ked because
I live a life of sin
But it's alright
I don't give a damn
I don't play your rules I make my own
Tonight
I'll do what I want
Cuz I can
Yeah

Uh
Break it down
It's tough times out here ya know what I'm saying mmhmm
Yeah I'm super thick
People say I'm much too chick
Come and kiss the ring
You just might learn a couple things
I'm trying to school you dog
Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff
I'm your worst nightmare
Bring it we can take it there
What are you scared

So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets
And hope I'll always win
Even if I don't I'm ***ked because
I live a life of sin
But it's alright
I don't give a damn
I don't play your rules I make my own
Tonight
I'll do what I want
Cuz I can
Yeah

So I'll cash my cheques and place my bets
And hope I'll always win
Even if I don't I'm ***ked because
I live a life of sin
But it's alright
I don't give a damn
I don't play your rules I make my own
Tonight
I'll do what I want
Cuz I can
Yeah

There's more but that's for later.

American Independence Day!!!!!

Counting today we leave for SC in 3 days. (Last day to be alive is on the sixth! I'm kidding)

Okay, today is July 4th! Happy Independence day...yeah whoo! We're really bouncing off the walls, well some idiots are, I can imagine. Because of this goody-two-shoes holiday (yeah you don't want to know what I think about Thankgiving), I have to see a whole bunch of July comic strips. Let me tell right now that there might be two Ghost Person specials: without secretaries and the other without Allan! OMG, without Allan. That's right, you need to get to know the other eleven GP officers of the Lady of Uncertainty, not to mention the poor officers of the Lady of Gates. so I will copy this into my DeviantArt journal so people will not miss it. i hope to the person upstairs, whatever they call themselves, that R.S. isn't there...or worse his brother J.S.

Random 2

Random 1

Getting Lost Downtown while having Pizza

So I have gone to the training program for work. It was strange for today, we were put into groups. Our group is the most equal when it comes to gender: three girls, three guys. Everyone was talking and talking. We have these sign-in sheets and it took 30 to 45 minutes to sign in. Plus I'm taking BART to get there. Let me explain, I know how to take buses. Buses are easy, you know where you're going, all you have to do is look for landmarks. Subway is a big dark tunnel where you have to first guess what the person is saying on the speaker and then try to see a sign, horizontally at what 70 mph? So excuse me if I get lost. Then once I finally find the stop, then I find the stupid building. then afterwards, I have to do the reverse, than what I did, and I ended up today, a stop past Glen Park Station but yesterday I got home perfectly, so maybe being let out early was a good thing mentally. I don't know.

By the way, if one wants to go to Montgromery, it's after Powell and Glen Park is after 24th and Mission. Just in case, there is someone as Subway retarded as me out there...but hey at least I knew which direction to go in this time instead of asking two people. And I wouldn't have to ask anyone today if I could understand the guy on the fricking speaker, god that was annoying.

I am leaving for SC in 15 days. Which means, on the seventh, I'm going to be on a plane. So how am I going to magically going to get my paycheck on the eighth? I know ( I just said it): Magick! Yep, the best way to get anything. So I'm gonna have to work something out, perchance they'll mail it? I doubt it, but hey I can try, it never hurts to do so, does it? Well, it depends on the thing, like if you want to put rockets to the back of your car and you didn't do the measurements then it would hurt to try, but this isn't as brutal. I had pizza downtown. It was about fourish.

Yesterday and 17 days: fear and joy

Yesterday, I went to the movies with L. I saw Toy Story 3 and the Karate Kid, it was fun seeing the Karate Kid but I still could've seen it on the small screen without problem. But I'm weird that way. It was fun, especially with all the side track comments L and I made. But I know this fun will be short lived since I will have to start the count down until Myrtle Beach, SC: A most ominous feeling about this strange place which unfortunately, the news continue to proclaim the worst things about along with comedians bashing it (the state) for being quite stupid. I'm sure this is just the extremists and the government and there are very nice people there who are quite open to tie-dye...although I somehow imagine many people, like in Arizona, looking at us strangely, but it had to be because of the tie-dye and not the color of my skin or my mom's skin (which is darker than mine) or the fact that a white man married a black woman, it is still AMERICA for crying out loud, right? I mean right?

Days Until I die in S.C. (I'm not actually going to die....but then ya never know) : Counting today and counting the day we leave as zero, I'll say 17.

Days in Sebastopol

Yesterday was odd, I went to the CYO camp for the All-Church retreat of my church and it was fun but yesterday we had to say our goodbyes until next year. I had finished my French poster and just needed pictures for it. The car was packed and we drove to Wildflour Bakery where we got a bread called Green Goat (it was delicious), when we stepped out, the was a ring around the sun; it was a rainbow. If only I could taken a picture of it, but then I think the magic of it would fade away. Then afterwards we went to Sebastopol for ice cream in a place called Screamin' Mimi's. I got praline pecan and butterscotch with melted caramel in waffle bowl. Then we had to search for egrets since my mother was doing a gourd with egrets on it. I swear being a daughter to an artist is sometimes frustrating because when everyone else is going home, we are looking for birds. We also saw what looked like to be golden eagles...I wondered when the end of greenness would end. There was so much green! I love green but there was so much of it!

To ponder: Why don't people see green as beautiful before they try to destroy it?

One of the perfect pictures I've ever taken. On certain things, I could become a perfectionist about, pictures is definitely one of them, but most people would describe me as a writer. What does that mean? I write a lot, sure but I do a lot of other things: take pictures, knit (occasionally), draw (badly), and make jewelry. Just another picture of random events.

This is where we tried looking for New Deal Projects...at night. This picture was taken by my father. Whoop-E

WeeeeeeeeeeeeRandom

I don't know where the path leads but I know this life is taking me on hell of a ride. --Anonymous.

I see the sunrise and have taken many pictures of such, but it is living the sunrise that makes a picture worth something.

Why can't I get French homework? I'm actually interested in that class...oh well.

Dancer is one cool Dog

This was taken by a friend. I had to hold the glasses on Dancer's face otherwise he would shake them off, other than that he looks awesome! This is Dancer, my dog, lookin' cool, lookin' cool

The consequential presence of that which makes me wish I wasn't here, STAR testing. But that's in a week, so now it's worry about French class and get through the day without losing my mind, although certain people would the rest of my mind, seeing that they believe I'm already crazy. Obviously, they haven't seen themselves lately.

Now to explode is too messing. I hope we take notes again for Journalism, I got a chance to write really strange poems, which I might post on Recycled Lives, if that is, I can find them. Oh well, no heroes for me. A little strange is I but then isn't everyone in their own way? Not to mention, I hate how certain things are set up.

1) I hate how health insurance is covered. I don't mind the reform, although I think it could be better. No you see I was going to take a break and volunteer or travel or both and learn stuff, but the only way I can do that is when I stop being a student and if I stop being a student then I won't be covered. So that means, I either a) get my own health insurance or b) stay a student. Tricky, very, very tricky.

2) What is wrong with us? I know certain people look at the world a certain way, and this may be old news, but there is a volcano in Iceland which exploded. Do they remember the coverage of snow? I mean you would naturally think that a volcano would trump snow any day of the week. I mean really. And the volcano is called Eyjafjallajökull. The newspeople should learn how to pronounce this, because it would make sense to give people information. I know for certain that one newsman was able to pronounce it, but there may be others. Who knows.

3) Why can't the school system of California figure out a more effective way to give schools money other than STAR testing?

Those are my points for the day.

Today is yesterday BUT with a much sweeter taste

Yesterday, I encountered a subject that no one should ever know about: M2's sex life and I certainly don't care if he says he's gay but still have sex with girls. Really don't care. Also S and E agreed with me about not wanting to know.

Today, I'm striving for a better day. Everyday, when I can I take a certain number of berry and "daisy-petal" them by saying "Good day, bad day, good day," etc. until there are no more berries. I have to go to school. Because the time is 6:52

Should I Escape or Should I Stay

Two by four
Four by Two
Do I want to walk out of the door
Or do I want to stay home with you?

One by three
Three by one
Do I want to escape by climbing up a tree
Or do I want to have some fun?

four by six
Six by four
Do I want to get my fix
Or do I want to stay for more?

Three Out
Five In
Do I want to get me out
Or do I want to dive in?

Illusion of Not Raining

Illusions coinspire me to write about magic. Because I wonder how on one side of the house it seems to be raining but on the other side of the house it seems perfectly dry. Bizarre isn't it? Before I said, "aww, poor wet dog" to my dog, Dancer, I noticed that seemingly dry side was brighter than the raining side. Is this a coincidence or is it part of the illusion, somehow?

"Why Grow up, I'll Dump You" Conversation

Some people never really grow up. It's hard to recognize it before it happens until they open their mouths and ruin the blissfulness of a crush within the mind. Thank God I just watch it happen on TV but then I have experienced my share of stupidity.

Happy Easter

I love people sometimes. We were watching the weather channel and there was that horrible music accompanied with it. But my father and my roommate C. were discussing it.

Father-This [music]reminds me of a porn video.
C-Really? It reminds me of an elevator or lobby music or some place I don't want to be.

Me: I like my Easter basket, look I have a rainbow of Peeps. Before anyone woke up I did some pictures of Peeps fighting.

Knur Fug: summary

Interesting morning, well not really, just sick. I am currently working on a strange story, which seems normal, that is strange to me. It actually has a conflict in the beginning, the climax will be at the end, as each of the useless characters die.

So Far, Mingan Appleton and Fiona Fair are introduced. Fiona Fair and Appleton used to be next door neighbors growing up until her father grew concern to what "that poor boy was doin' to my daughter." Appleton has had an exciting life, running away from law enforcement but the story starts when Fair has to arrest Appleton based on his friend, Tom Cleave who is later discovered as Cutberto Huichalef, and whose sister traps in a magical globe but something else got of a hold of it. Laudelina Huichalef isn't a bad sister, it's just that she made a bet with Fair to get the globe:Whoever get the globe first, will be the employer of the other. So in walks in the characters going on this voyage. It does have some love in it and closeted gays pretending to be straight, such as Fair's fiancée, Timothy Saul who is in love with Ely Craftman, who is trying to get back at Fair for killing his best friend, Elez, not to mention Saul's bad habits have effected in him being called a rapist and have a picture of a dead baby carved into his back. Appleton have strange dreams that either forewarn the events or hint to where the globe is. The obvious villains are "They" and Miasma, for this group works for Nimbus. The villains created, so far are Saul and Craftman for different reasons.

I am trying to work on more detail and their personalities, while writing forward. It is kind of easy but kind of hard, at the same time.

Sitting in Chemistry Class

My thoughts: I sit in Chemistry class and I'm amazed at the ingredients in soap. The funny thing is that to make soap, you use the same ingredients to make drain cleaner but the reaction is different and the pH is different. Not to mention almost every body care product: from perfume to shampoo to mouthwash to skin moisturizers have ingredients that could potentially cause cancer. Funny what the government doesn't want to know.

Random #1

Garlic Lemon Tuna fish and Chicken Rice-a-roni leaning on a dog's head, and in a room with a bunch of women discussing what to do about poo instead of cleaning it. his is what life is made of.

People are Interesting

The world has gone insane and we're on a ride with it. People help people but they also destroy people? Why? Let's call it Human Nature and move on. We can't help if the world doesn't like our rules and change is the thing to call for. For better or for worse, we change and we evolve and we earn experiences from mistakes (sometimes it takes us a whie but we will learn). The funny thing is when change happens to us, we think it's the worse thing in the world. History keeps showing us this but change does happen, especially if one pushes hard enough, otherwise the other side, the ones against change will win.

But side from that, the Tea Baggers is a hilarious name for a political party, especially because they're against everything that liberals are for i.e. abortion, health care reform, gay marriage...speaking of which if they're against that, why did they call themselves "tea baggers?" I know why, because of the "Boston Tea Party" but still even they didn't call themselves like tea baggers...I'm guessing none of them read the current definition...(assuming they read...before they disagree and they read the whole thing which is sort of a stretch...)

Don't Talk DOwn because I'm 17

In the vast world, where there's millions of people all working and keeping their mind occupied and listening, there's me. It is not the first time a place has brought the energy of evil and sorrow to my mind. I don't really give credit to anyhing divine, however there are some energies where you can feel a person's intent, something about them that you know the two of you will never get along. I shall say this: I don't like people who talk down to me. Now, I was ten, eleven or twelve when I started to realize the difference of adults and my peers. Some adults talked down to me, like I was a small child, perhaps I wa to them, but that's because they didn't understand me. I recognized the voice as calm, cheerful, and a little too patient. I have experienced this with a certain person who seems to believe that teens should be talked down to. This person even asked if I was coming to "the College Club." I said, "Maybe." I had been transferred from a class because I got a D because the school district failed me in not supporting me, but I'm not surprised considering the other things they can't get right and they want more money. Isn't life fun? Isn't it great?

My Valentine's Day

Well, I was typing a story, nothing unusual, and my cell phone rings. I won't say who it was but they asked me for a price of crepes place and talking about going out today. I noticed that this person had not said my name so it wasn't an invitation, it was just to ask how much a price was. I said I don't work there and I didn't know on the top off of my head but maybe around ten dollars. because in my head for some reason I saw "$6.67" in my head and I couldn't erase it. Well, after I hanged up the phone, I realized that it was Valentine's Day and I was slightly annoyed because the person knew I was alone on Valentine's Day. Now this person isn't evil and probably wasn't even aware that I was annoyed. But really, it's not like I know how much random things cost, I'm not the internet or a robot, I'm human...so what does that mean?

By definition it is the most outrageous thing the world has ever seen! How dare the government sit back and sit all cosy while this is going on! So far it has increased without some difficulty, why people are even in it! I am of course talking about snow! Yes snow in Arizona and thunderstorms in San Francisco. It is ridiculous I say! Unheard of!

It does prove one thing though: climate change.